Why You Should F*$k A Marketer: Or, the Comfort and Dullness of Loving a Person with a Salary

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Yesterday, Broke Ass Stuart published a blog post called “Why You Should Fuck a Writer: Or, The Pleasures and Perils of Loving a Creative Person.” At the end of the post (spoiler alert!) the author emphasizes that the most important reason to fuck a writer is because you will inevitably end up marrying someone with a salary. 

While it’s true that being able to pay rent is often synonymous with “boring,” there are plenty of advantages to fucking salaried folks. For example…fucking a marketer can be a game-changing, innovating, real-time value-add to your life. Here’s why.  

He can set up your Twitter account.
…and explain to you why you need a Twitter account.

When she describes you to other people, she’ll make you sound a lot bigger than you are.
It’s not lying, it’s aspirational language!

His expectations are low.
If you just open 20% of his emails, he’s actually way above the industry benchmark.

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She can keep you entertained for hours on road trips by criticizing the copy on every billboard.
And you thought you that long stretch when all the stations played Christian radio was going to be the worst part.

He’s used to giving things away for free. 
If 1 out of 1,000 people upgrade from the trial to the pro version, he’s still gonna get his bonus.

She’ll do your go-to-market strategy for free.
If you aren’t trying to start your own business and using her as your personal consultant when she’s done with her day job, it’s pretty much a waste of resources.

One word: Schwag.

His calls-to-action will always be extremely clear.
When a marketer wants you to do something, there will be a big, red button. Even if you’re so immersed in your iPhone that you’ve lost all ability to read human emotion, you’ll still know what to do.

Cute names for everything!
“Doing-the-Dishes-Palooza” sounds like it could be kind of fun, right, Steve-O?

You’ll never have to drink alone.
Did we just launch something? Think about launching something? Publish a blog post? SHOTS!

Letters To Cleo – I Want You To Want Me

Special thanks for @JfewlessB2B for being a Go-to-Market muse. 

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