Meet and Marry the Self-Help Book of Your Dreams

As those near and dear to me know, when I was at my last company I ended up ghost writing an ebook called “Meet the Man of Your Dreams.”

It has been insinuated that I perhaps was not the most qualified person to write this book, and it has been said out loud that I would be better suited to writing a book called “How to Belittle and Analyze the Man of Your Dreams.”

However, I worked off an outline from a woman who (allegedly) met a guy and got engaged in eight days. I am sure that she knows what she’s talking about. While I wrote most of the words, the ideas are all hers. (I think we all know that the mantra “Never go anywhere without mascara” is no brainchild of mine.) I trust her expertise, and truly believe that certain pieces of advice in the eBook might actually lead you to become an expert dater.

I also think that some pieces of advice may not be exactly foolproof. For example, the book says that you should think of a first date as an interview, and dress accordingly. I ran this by a few people of the male persuasion who flat out told me, “Just write that you need to show some skin!”

“Absolutely not!” I told them. “Showing skin is not how you get a man to marry you! That’s how you get a man to think you’re a hussy and take advantage of you!”(©1954).

I stuck with the interview theme because I liked it, and was thrilled when I was able to schedule a first date on the very same day I had my final interview with my new company. I couldn’t wait to kill two birds with one outfit, and prove how right I was.

Now, I don’t want to give too many details about my personal life on this blog (unless they are largely exaggerated/semi-fabricated) so let’s just say I was resoundingly not right about dressing for a first date the same way you would for an interview.

(I mean, the date might have gone badly because I said that I thought all of the men in Silicon Valley were all male chauvinists, but I bet if I said that wearing a halter top instead of a blazer, it would have been less offensive.)

As the veritable author of “Meet the Man of Your Dreams,” I felt that it was incumbent upon me to figure out exactly what you were supposed to wear on a first date. If not your snappiest interview outfit, then what??

Well, on Friday night, I met my friend Jane* at a bar, and she was having all kinds of success with boys. Now, Jane is fantastic and deserves all kinds of success with boys, but this level seemed a bit unusual. Plus, she was wearing jeans and a pretty regular boat-necked t-shirt.

Only when we went outside to get some fresh air did I realize that Jane’s shirt was backless.

“The whole time at Happy Hour guys kept coming up to talk to us,” she told me. “This is why!”

“This is genius!” I told her. “You have solved the answer to the question ‘how much skin should you show?’ This is the perfect amount of skin to show without being a no-good hussy! (©1954), This is what I should have written in the ‘Meet the Man of Your Dreams’ book! I’m going to have to start a fashion/dating portion of my blog so I can announce this.”

I took her picture and confirmed that she was comfortable appearing on the blog. “Wait, so do you really have a fashion blog?”

“God no. But I’m going to pretend I do because I really think is brilliant and everyone needs to know about backless shirts!”

Later, I was telling my friend that I was writing a kind of weird, pointless and uncharacteristic-of-me blog post about backless shirts, because I felt I was really doing everyone a service by letting them know.

“Oh, obviously,” he said. “Backless shirts are hot. Everybody knows that.”

If it was so obvious, I wondered, why he hadn’t told me when I was plugging away at the eBook? Then I realized the very essential, most important truth: Nobody knows what they want until somebody tells them.

Long live the Self-help book industy!


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