Problems They Don’t Have in Sub-Saharan Africa

The other day, we got into the carpool and I tried to check my email on my BlackBerry when I ran into the same issue– the roller ball is totally not working.

“God!” I shouted. “This is so annoying — it’s f*&cking killing me.” Then I thought about what I’d said, and I added, “Problems they don’t have in Sub-Saharan Africa.”

Especially around the holidays when everyone is stressed out and on edge, it’s easy to forget how really not-bad-at-all our lives are. Sure, perspective has a lot to do with it. And if your life is interrupted, it’s frustrating.

But wouldn’t it be nice if every time you felt your blood pressure rising over something (probably trivial) you had way to just stop?

I think the solution is the phrase “Problems They Don’t Have in Sub-Saharan Africa.” It’s got a kind of fun rhythm, it makes you feel like you know something about geography, and it works for me so I’m hoping it will work for you too.

So any time you experience one of the following irritating things this week, I invite you to try squelching it with this phrase…

Problems They Don’t Have in Sub-Saharan Africa

  • The Internet is so slow….it is taking at minimum 30 seconds to load a page
  • AT&T keeps dropping calls and there’s no clear date on when Verizon is coming to the iPhone.
  • Your nail polish got smudged just an hour after you got your manicure.
  • The line at the grocery store is so goddamn long.
  • His text was so freaking ambiguous
  • She never responded to your text even though it seemed really obvious that she liked you
  • Your birthday falls during Finals so you can’t party
  • Your birthday is the same week as Christmas so no one cares
  • Your birthday is coming up and you just feel sooo old
  • Holiday traffic
  • Rush hour traffic
  • That really long traffic light — why is it green for 15 seconds and red for 90 seconds? What the Hell?
  • Two words: Christmas music
  • Those annoying Scroogey people who can’t appreciate Christmas music
  • The obnoxious 22-year old that is clearly flirting with your boyfriend
  • You can’t figure out how dressy this party is going to be. You think you have a dress, but it might too be fancy. You will die of embarrassment if it turns out you’re the only one wearing silk.
  • Mail takes forever this time of year.
  • Parking at the mall is a total nightmare.
  • Your girlfriend totally hooked up with that guy who keeps commenting on her Facebook status in college
  • Nobody has commented on or even “liked” your Facebook status once this week
  • Seriously, could there possibly be any more baked goods at the office?
  • It has rained three days in a row!!
  • It’s supposed to rain tomorrow, too….

2 thoughts on “Problems They Don’t Have in Sub-Saharan Africa

  1. 1. Was that finals birthday remark meant for me…

    2. I can't believe you chose to use that song instead of “I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA”…shame

  2. ehm Wicked, some words from Sub-Saharan (Eastern) Africa…

    Thanks to the ever present dust (except for, indeed, when it rains), creates EXACTLY that problem with the roller ball. Wont. Bloody. Move…

    Other things progress brought us; dropping calls, slow internet, a (single) traffic light that indeed is always red, and now every single string of x-mas lights comes with a little green box pouring out the most horrific xmas songs all day.

    We could do with some more rain though…


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