Top Ten Reasons You Know Yoga Has Not Changed Your Life

A mere three weeks ago, I wrote a post called “Top 10 Reasons You Know Yoga Has Changed Your Life,” hoping that even though I was going back into the marketing world, I would retain some of my mellowness.

Within three hours, I realized that was highly unlikely. Old habits are tough to break, and they certainly don’t die over a few well-intentioned downward facing dogs. Running into my old, neurotic self hasn’t been too bad though. It’s like seeing a childhood friend, and suddenly remembering why you thought it was fun to burn candles in your room, stick your finger in the wax and then put it on your forehead to dry for no reason. (True story…)

So yes, on one hand, you have covered your room and face in wax and will probably break out from the whole incident (because you are 14). But on the other hand, you can make a top ten list celebrating your total and complete regression.

So without further ado:

Top Ten Reasons You Know Yoga Has Not Changed Your Life

10. Your only motivation to go to yoga is the possibility that it will ease the pain in your neck you acquired while hunched over your computer tweeting about the iPad.
9. You like Savasana because it’s the pose that gives you the most freedom to think about work.
8. You mutter the word, “F*ck” more times a day than you breathe.
7. Your idea of living in the present moment is responding to all emails within 30 seconds of receiving them.
6. Once you were Open to Grace, now you’re open to trying types of alcohol other than vodka.
5. You kicked a dog. (Kidding!)
4. You kicked a column on the subway platform because the train took too long to come. (not kidding.)
3. The aggravation you experience while trying to find the time to squeeze yoga into your schedule far overshadows the quality of the time you spend in class.
2. Microsoft Excel has replaced handstand as your unattainable obsession.
1. You don’t remember enough about yoga to generate a list of 10 items proving you’ve totally forgotten about yoga.

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9 thoughts on “Top Ten Reasons You Know Yoga Has Not Changed Your Life

  1. Well at least you didn't really kick the dog!

    Then, you really don't seem like the kinda person who'd have kicked a dog before yoga, either…

    At least you have a sense of humor about yoga not changing your life (as much as you'd hoped)!

    Okay, maybe you had a sense of humor before, too…

    Hmmm…if a yoga cynic like myself's trying to be your bird of sunshine, you might really be in trouble…

    …but I doubt it…

    Reply
  2. LOL! This is a wonderfully funny and playful list, especially after reading your original top ten yoga list. #3 is my favorite, I am now thinking of opening my own crying fitness routine that people can do to gain release. You can cross-post this to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/ and link back to your site. We are trying to create a directory for top ten lists where people can find your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

    Reply
  3. But you sent me the perfect poem at the perfect time! I don't know whether that has anything to do with yoga, but it does make you sensitive and intuitive, yes?

    Reply
  4. Well, aren't you just…….human!

    Really, this depresses me to think that the old “work me” could ever live again. She too was very neurotic and very intense. She would definitely understand #9 the most.

    Hey, I just made 30 days of some yoga every day. Yea! I'd make a smiley face but you might put hot wax on its little forehead……

    Reply
  5. Just when I think yoga really has changed my life, I find myself dropping the F bomb more times than Eminem and stressing about whether I'll get to happy hour in enough time to maximize the full monetary benefits.

    But, your list? Yeah, it's pretty much AMAZING.

    Reply

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