The Man Drought II!!

A year ago, I published a blog entry called “The Man Drought,” about what happens when you break up with your boyfriend and become an over-achieving, early-rising superstar, only to find yourself helplessly in need of a man when a dead mouse shows up on your kitchen floor. I ended up recruiting my mom and her boyfriend to come to the rescue, and posting Wilson Philips’ song “Hold On for One More Day,” on my blog. It’s a great song, I swear.

So when, almost exactly a year later, I found myself in my kitchen on a day when all my roommates were away, face-to-face with a dead mouse, I frantically looked up my old blog entry, hoping to find some advice. But the only conclusion I could draw was: no matter how productive or self-sufficient I am, it would still be awfully nice to have a man around in moments like these.

I tried calling my mom again. Her response was, “I don’t even know how to dispose of a snap trap.” I went for plan B: Wilson Philips, hyperventilation and covering my eyes partially so I couldn’t really see what was going on. Using the plastic lid of a Chinese take-out container for leverage and wailing, “Oh my god. Oh my god. It has a face. I can see it’s face. It has a face. It has a face,” I scooped my deceased friend off our counter and tossed him into the trash can just as “Hold On for One More Day” was fading out.

I walked out into the rain with the garbage, wearing my clogs from high school, my sweatpants from college and my mom’s plaid shirt from 1970, thinking how after one year and 20 days, I finally had become completely independent. Strangely, my sense of “man drought” is a lot more poignant this year than it was last year, perhaps because I finally realized the point of men is neither to prevent you from being productive on the weekends nor to clean up rodents.

To that end, I am researching an article about women/men who feel that although their day-to-day lives are probably better without their ex-significant other, they are still hung up him/her. If you have a story you’d like to share, or are a mental health professional who can comment on this from a scientific/advice standpoint, please leave a comment, tweet @wickedrb or email bachel73@yahoo.com.

Here’s to weathering the weather, whatever the weather, whether you like it or not.

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4 thoughts on “The Man Drought II!!

  1. One morning a couple of years back, my ever loving furball kitteh presented me with the spoils of her hunt.

    “Here”, she said (if she could in fact speak, but she can't, so she used lots of eye contact and body language), “Because you are my saviour and Mistress of the Food Bowl and Excessive Pats, I, your kitteh, offers up to you a prized kill. For you, because you're the BEST.”

    Oh yeah, my kitteh knows how to sell a dead mouse.

    Rolling over and around the motionless rodent, she looked oh so proud.

    But I had to disappoint her, by not honouring her gift. Quickly, I noted there was no blood on the carpet (yay) and all the organs seemed to be inside its little body (phew).

    And so, thinking about how the mouse is Shiva, and everything is Shiva, I grabbed some Shiva paper towels and walked up the Shiva hallway back to the Shiva mouse. Then this form of Shiva delicately grabbed the Shiva mouse with the Shiva paper towels and ran quickly on my Shiva feet to the Shiva garden where said Shiva mouse was tossed behind the Shiva shrub to decompose back into Shiva.

    Can't say I enjoyed it at all, and kitteh was most unhappy I wasn't pleased with her gift. But eh, its all Shiva, right?

    Reply
  2. lol. so funny! i have most definitely had those moments.

    I think it was during my crazy two years in Montreal that I finally, from necessity, became independant in all things. I even plunged my own toilet (ewww!).

    Now, having been in a (happy!) relationship for over three years I find myself relying ONCE AGAIN on Andrew for the little silly things I can do myself. Like hammering nails into the wall for pictures, or putting caulking around the tub (which I might add I did myself ANYWAY as he was useless lol).

    Thank you so very much for this reminder to continue to cultivate my own sense of independance. And CONGRATULATIONS on making it through the Dead Mouse!!!! (ps- I do actually enjoy that song… is that weird?).

    Reply
  3. Great post. It reminded me of long ago when my first husband and I separated, but were talking on the phone late one night. A mouse ran into our/my bedroom and I screamed holy murder begging him to come get it. He rode his bicycle over and trapped it in our/my closet. It was nice of him, but it did not save the marriage.

    Ages later my 2nd husband and I had a bit of trouble with some mice five years ago. We got a humane trap because we couldn't stand the idea of killing them. It's actually creepy seeing the little guys scared to death in this trap. But we drove out to the country and let them go. We figured they probably became an owl's dinner later that night….

    I'm proud of the way you handled the latest mouse.

    Reply
  4. I wish I could help you out with a story about being better without a significant other, but my trashcan is close to overflowing and I'm waiting for The Mister to get home to empty it.

    Reply

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