Hey, readers! I’m reporting live from my kitchen with great news. I’m only going to have to wait 20 minutes to talk to an agent at the department of labor to find out why my unemployment is lost in the Bermuda Triangle with Hitler, Elvis, my sanity and ability to catch my own typos.
This is very exciting news, because it means, that a) my transition to a person with no standards is complete and b) I will finally get to talk someone after being told for weeks there was no one to talk to. Yay for having no standards!
Anyway, clearly, one of the crappy things about unemployment is the above. But one of the great things about being laid off is that you can become one of those weird people who wanders around the lower east side drinking coffee on Monday afternoons at 3 o’clock. Are you a model? An actress? Do you have a trust fund or an MFA in Sculpture? Nope. But no one else has to know that.
Anyway, I was minding my own beautiful trust-fund business on Elizabeth st. when a crowd of screaming girls ran by, chasing another girl who was being led by a rather burly body guard. The girl looked familiar, but she had really dry, flaky bad skin. I thought, “she might be famous, but would anyone famous have skin that bad?”
Then I asked one of the shrieking adolescents what we’d just witnessed, and the breathless answer I got was, “Gossip Girl!” I’ve never watched the show and had failed to get my own photo with my camera phone so I moved on with my life. Now, normally, I am not the kind of person who would be horrendous enough to talk smack about someone else’s skin. In fact, in the past week, my skin has been getting dry and flaky every time I forget to wear sunblock. I’m not one to judge! Really!
But the very next day, I read an interview with Michelle in BlackBook, in which she listed all the things she hates. Apparently, she really hates when people tell her that she’s prettier in person. “That is not a compliment!” She tells the interviewer. So really, I’m being nice here. Everybody wins. Michelle now knows that she’s prettier after being airbrushed, and I finally get to be a gossip girl….