Last night, Patti Blagojevich debuted on the reality TV show, “I’m a Celebrity…Get me out of here.” She had to replace her husband because the judges in charge of his fraud case said he was just too guilty to be allowed out of the country. He swears to God that he’s innocent and acted shocked when he was denied the right to go on the show. She insists that she never wanted this, but is doing it because she is a mother and needs to save her children from poverty. (She’s only acting maternal to deflect all those comparisons to Lady Macbeth, right?)
Between the two of them, Mr. and Mrs. Blago sound so ridiculous, there is just no way they actually believe the bull they are spewing out into the world, right? Or maybe they are really good at lying to themselves. Maybe lying to yourself is actually a great idea. After all, don’t we all secretly want to be on reality tv?
10 Reasons to Lie to Yourself
10) When you have to lie to other people, you won’t have to think quickly, because you’ll already be prepared. “Oh sorry, I can’t go. I’m going to go home and clean my room/write my novel/talk to one of my ‘friends!'”
9) If some rude New Yorker at some rude New York party has the audacity to ask you what you “do” before he asks your name or whether your drink needs refreshing, you can answer: “I’m a fabricator” and you will a) not be lying and b) prevent them from asking more questions because they won’t want to admit they don’t know what you mean.
8) When other people confront you with the “truth” and ask you to “face reality,” you will be better equipped to shoot down their crazy notions (if you have successfully convinced yourself of the lies you are telling yourself)
7) If other people lie to you, you can yell, “Ha! Tell me something I don’t know!”
6) You can help make strides in sex education. Well…if you are Bill Clinton and you really convince yourself that you didn’t have S-E-X with Monica Lewinsky, and then you testify that you didn’t, and then people find out the truth and they call you a liar, but the end result is that people start teaching high schoolers to be careful because you-know-whats are S-E-X too, THEN (and only then) you can help make strides in sex education by lying to yourself.
5) If you drown and bake your iPod, rendering it totally useless, and you find yourself bored on crowded subways and long walks, you can entertain yourself by telling yourself lies.
4) You’ll keep your brain state out of pain states! My yoga teacher yesterday told us that the state of your brain when you are experiencing uncertainty or the unknown is identical to the state it’s in when you’re in pain. In situations like these, the phrases, “No worries!” and “Everything is completely and totally fine” work better than Advil, 6 out of 5 times.
3) It will help you to be more patient. Just keep telling yourself it will all work out on its own without any investment of time, energy or thought from you. All you you need to do is sit back and wait for the recession to end in Sept 2009. Or December 2009. Or..whenever, either way, it will all be ok, as long as you don’t make any personal effort to fix it.
2) You’ll seem more educated in social situations: “Yeah, I totally know that book/movie/article/politician you’re talking about. That was the one with the characters, the ambiguous plot and the scandal that kind of was but wasn’t and the woman who might have been a man, but wasn’t. Or wait, was she? That’s so weird that I forgot! MemoryFAIL! Haha!“
1) You’re the only one you can really trust. Other people might say they’re lying to you, but they might not be telling the truth. If you really want to be 110% sure that you’re being lied to, you’ll just have to do it yourself.