Do You Have Swine Flu or Cyberchondria?

Perhaps you’ve heard. There’s an evil pandemic taking over the globe, and it’s coming for you. It’s swine flu! The World Health Organization has raised the alert level to 5 up from 4 this morning and 3 this weekend. (If only the DOW would climb so fast!) WHO was trying really hard to get people to stop panicking and they kept saying, “we don’t know for sure,” etc. Well. Scrap that. Ladies and Gentlemen: it’s time to freak out!

[if you are freaking out and need fast facts about swine flu, go get them here. If you can wait 2 minutes, get to the end of the post first.]

Now, I was writing about swine flu this morning, back when we were still instructed not to panic. Being a creature of reason and measure, I decided that having allergies (aka exhibiting “symptoms of swine flu” like a stuffed nose) gave me free rein to panic. I did the normal thing. I held my tears, wrote my own eulogy, and walked around coughing on people and telling them I had swine flu. Since apparently the worst strain of the disease is coming in the fall, I thought I was doing them a favor.

But then, I found the adorable pig above. An adorable mini-pig the size of a tea cup. And I realized, if drinking tea makes you feel better, you don’t have swine flu! So, I’ve claimed ownership of the highly reliable Mini-Tea-Pig-Test. If you think the pig is cute, you’re not sick, you just have cyberchondria. But if you have achy joints, nausea and are dying in Mexico due to a bronchial infection, you probably have swine flu.

Any questions?


8 thoughts on “Do You Have Swine Flu or Cyberchondria?

  1. That pig is so darn cute. It’s not their fault, after all. Sadly it’s us humans who house them in horrible factory farms that are also places where animal and human sadness gestate, and these industrial farming practices also make an ideal virus nursery. Take a stand against Factory Farming!

  2. Questions? So many! But I’ll stick to one.

    Does pig hair grow on trees? I ask because there’s stuff falling off the trees in DC that makes me sneeze and have some of the symptoms you mention. Some said it was pollen, but I just think they’re pro-pig biased.

  3. I’m loving your mini-pig!! I’d like to have one, if they stayed that size (naturally). I’m sure he’d be a lovely house pet! 😉

    But yeah, I reckon there’s an awful lot of hysteria going ’round. Guess governments world-wide are doing what they can to keep people where they want them… frightened, penniless and behaving as required!

    More mini-pigs, less pig-o-mania, thanks…

  4. People with regular exposure to pigs are at increased risk of swine flu. More than 1100 people worldwide have died from swine flu since it emerged in Mexico and the US in April, according to the latest figures from the World.


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