Perhaps you’ve heard. There’s an evil pandemic taking over the globe, and it’s coming for you. It’s swine flu! The World Health Organization has raised the alert level to 5 up from 4 this morning and 3 this weekend. (If only the DOW would climb so fast!) WHO was trying really hard to get people to stop panicking and they kept saying, “we don’t know for sure,” etc. Well. Scrap that. Ladies and Gentlemen: it’s time to freak out!
Now, I was writing about swine flu this morning, back when we were still instructed not to panic. Being a creature of reason and measure, I decided that having allergies (aka exhibiting “symptoms of swine flu” like a stuffed nose) gave me free rein to panic. I did the normal thing. I held my tears, wrote my own eulogy, and walked around coughing on people and telling them I had swine flu. Since apparently the worst strain of the disease is coming in the fall, I thought I was doing them a favor.
But then, I found the adorable pig above. An adorable mini-pig the size of a tea cup. And I realized, if drinking tea makes you feel better, you don’t have swine flu! So, I’ve claimed ownership of the highly reliable Mini-Tea-Pig-Test. If you think the pig is cute, you’re not sick, you just have cyberchondria. But if you have achy joints, nausea and are dying in Mexico due to a bronchial infection, you probably have swine flu.