7 Ways You Know the Internet Has Taken Over Your Life

I figured that on the off-chance my mom does decide to write a nasty expose on my internet addiction, I’d beat her to the punch. My level of self-awareness has increased dramatically with my Yoga Immersion, and while it’s true that coming to know yourself can be painful, it is also liberating. (Really. I highly recommend doing hip-openers that leave you weeping through the last 10 minutes of class and are only resolved when your teacher promises you that this is the best time in your life and that one day, you too, will be able to sit cross-legged while maintaining a healthy curve at the bottom of your spine.)

Anyway, in addition to the many, deeper things I’ve learned during this 40 hour, 4 weekend training, I have also discovered:

7 Ways to Know The Internet Has Taken Over Your Life

1. Your Brain has Turned into A Browser. In the special meditation workshop segment of our immersion on Wednesday, I couldn’t clear my mind. This is ok. In meditation, if a thought comes up, you simply notice it and go back to the breath. In one meditation, rather than thoughts, images came up. Each time, I said, “Go back to the breath, RB.” But instead of going back to the breath, another image would immediately pop-up. It was like my brain was staging a coup. Each time I sent away an image from my life, my brain would yell, “But Aha! We have more.” Every place I’d ever been, or person I’d met, cropped up. By time I got to meeting my cousin’s girlfriend when I was 17, I thought, “WTF, Man??” Then I “noticed my thoughts.” My brain was actually stumbling the images of my life, and when it got bored, it just clicked a new tab.

2. You’ve won a Twitter give-away. Yesterday afternoon, I won a free copy of BookForum on Twitter. I eagerly typed the information to my best friend reporting, “This is either highest, or lowest moment of my life.”

3. You’ve only “seen” your best friend on gchat for the past three months. Self-explanatory.

4. You Want to Bookmark Real life. While taking a fabulous shower after having a fabulous cry provoked a fabulous hip-opener, I thought to myself, “there is nothing better than a hot shower right before bed.” Immediately, a little tab popped up in my brain. It had a thumbs up and said, “I’m Fan of This Shower!” (click here.)

5. You can’t wait to blog about it. “Oh my god. I mean, it’s real: My internet addiction problem. I bet the blog entry about it will be really funny.”

6. You wake up Saturday to Discover that One of Your Stumble “Friends” has Sent You: Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something

7. You Think The Internet is a Person/Place. After receiving aforementioned ridiculous Web page, I ferociously turned to the print version of the New York Times, but glanced at my sleeping laptop a minimum of three times, wondering uneasily if I was “missing something” online.

In short, I’m sending myself to rehab. And by that I mean I’m sending the MacBook to rehab. Little does TekServe know they are also a 12 Step Program.


8 thoughts on “7 Ways You Know the Internet Has Taken Over Your Life

  1. This is funny as hell because it’s so true. The only thing that saves me is that I do most of the blogging at work….shhh, don’t tell the boss…:)

  2. The more times “hip opener” is mentioned the dirtier it sounds. But yes, what is this thing Twitter is doing to me? It’s turning me into the kind of child I never was: “Look, mommy, look! Look at this article about social media I found!” And that SU button is like the new clicker or bad MTV reality shows or candy or coffee. I think I knew it was a problem when the laptop started coming into the bed. Funny that the NYT wrote about that years ago. Like 2006 maybe.

  3. LOL – sick and twisted but I feel ya on this! can you hear Karen from Will and Grace saying, “it’s funny cuz it’s true.” And don’tcha hate it when a comment you make on someone else’s blog, leads into a post of your own?

  4. Can’t say that I can relate to <>all<> of these points… but its true, I’m an internet addict.My desk, laptop and printer take up a signigicant corner of my kitchen. Yes, my kitchen! So I can eat, feed the cat and all the while not be too far from my electronic world… sad, huh? 😉


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