Over breakfast today with my flowering parental bouquet, I reminded my dad about the remark he made re: Obama’s potential to solve the manhood crisis. His mind cleared by coffee, he decided to elaborate:
Dad: I mean, the truth is, I don’t think Obama is very manly. I don’t think he’s capable of saving us from becoming women.
Me: True. I mean, what’s manly about getting us out of a war? Nothing! Being manly means starting wars.**
Dad: True, we will be fighting more in Afghanistan…but I don’t even think that can make Obama manly. I mean, does he seem like he has a lot of testosterone to you?
Mom: Maybe that’s a good thing!
Me: Uh Oh.
Patrick: Of course she thinks that. I say, fine. Let the women be in charge!
Me: That’s because you’re Irish! You let the women be in charge just so you can blame them for wrecking your life later!
Mom: I’m just saying: What makes us think testerone is so great? Maybe it’s better to lead with…
Me: Reason! But isn’t there something bad about estrogen?
Dad: Yes. B*tchiness.
Mom: I don’t care what you say. We’re way better off having women rule the world.
Dad: That may be so. But that wasn’t really the direction I was looking to take this conversation in.
Dad: It’s Stephen. He needs to pick up his dry cleaning. I can hear him now…”Dad…can’t you just drive me there?”
Me: Wow. What do you say about me when I’m not around?
Dad: Things that are much, much worse, I assure you.
Me: What? But Dad…I’m making you famous.
Dad [incredulous]: On your blog? Why don’t you try painting a flattering picture of me?
Me: Why don’t you give me some material to work with?!
Well, even if he can’t see it, clearly I am painting a flattering picture. A friend sent this text today: “May I borrow your parents, real, step or otherwise?”
Sure, they’ll be available for parties starting in January 09…
**I know that war=being a man because I just wrote a biography of Saki, a early 20th century writer who “associated the concepts of empire and nation with manly virtue,” Christopher Hitchens wrote. Saki, in his 40s, actually enlisted to serve in the WWI trenches just to prove how much of man he was. Sadly, the German sniper that killed him shortly thereafter was even more of a man…