Are you a hypochondriac?

A sad thing happened. My desk partner, Josh, abandoned me. Now, if you know me, you know that I already have a terrible abandonment complex. For example, if we’re all going for a walk at lunch, and I need to go grab my coat, instead of saying, “do you guys mind waiting a second?” I howl: “Don’t leave me!!!”

Anyway, Josh got moved, and one of the ways I cope with my loneliness is by reading his blog. Occasionally, our desk-mate bond was affirmed when Josh would blog about something I wanted to talk about before I could. Now, even those he’s in the other room, I like to think that Josh and I are still on the same wavelength.

You see, Josh has been having some health problems. As you can see, his last few blog entries have been about how his Doctor thought there was a chance that he was pre-diabetic. Interesting, last week, I also thought I might be diabetic.

You see, I typed in “hungry and craving sugar” into Google. Inevitably, I found some obscure message board explaining that my cravings were due to Diabetes. There was no further explanation of other symptoms on the site, so I began my favorite activity: panicking.

I’m one of those people that loves to self-diagnose online. I remember seeing the following commercial during the second Giants’ game of the playoffs.

It’s a commercial for Web MD. And it made looking up illness online sounds like a lot of fun. There’s this really cute guy; he gets so many diseases that he acquires carpal tunnel syndrome from doing research on Web MD. That is so adorable! If I look up my symptoms online, maybe I could get it too, and we could commiserate over it together!

This commercial really spoke to me, because I am a Web-achonriac. I love nothing more than over-blown online self-diagnosis. So you may be thinking: RB, don’t you work for a company that has really reliable health information? Why weren’t you looking up your random ailments there?

Because, sadly, my company is not good for fueling unfounded and misguided theories about non-existent diseases. When we put all information about a particular condition in one place, and ensure all of it reputable, we sort of built a road-block for Web-ochrondria.

So, the bottom line: I’m having trouble kicking the cold/flu that I’ve had for the past month. It’s not very salacious, but on the upside, I’m free to give into my sugar cravings when I have them.


4 thoughts on “Are you a hypochondriac?

  1. RB. I love your blog. However, I thought I had a really insightful comment about your quarter-life crisis, but your ex-desk partner/goiterer beat me to the punch. Your quarter-life assumption of a life meaning 100 years is depressing me. Here’s why.That would mean that next week 29% of my life will be over. And that’s assuming I live to be 100!!! How depressing is that?! Even if I live to be 80, which to me seems pretty good (old enough to be almost impressive, but not so old that you’re drooling on yourself), that would mean that, next week, 36% of my life is over! I mean, what better reason is there to go home, cuddle up in bed, and hope for snow?…

  2. salacious?!anyway, i love hypochondria. although i prefer to call it “med school aspirant” or “freelance doctor” or “unregistered nurse (UN).”

  3. All day yesterday I thought I was going to die. Sure, our mothers may have just called it a crick in my neck, but you and I, we would have tried to decide between a heart attack and impending paralysis. Yet another reason I’ve loved knowing you for all but 13% of eventual 100 years.

  4. As per my use of “salacious”:Someone in my senior thesis wrote about the seductive powers of consumption in literature. Is your girlfriend pale, skinny and coughing up blood? You must be sooo in love.Since then, I have come to feel that any additional illness I can acquire will increase my appeal.Best,The Wicked Witch


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