Quarter-Life Clarification

If you are like most Quarter-Lifers, it’s getting to that point in your career where you’re wondering why you went to college. Not that you didn’t like your college, or that your job isn’t perfectly challenging. But if you’re smart enough to have deserved acceptance to whatever college you went to, it’s dawned on you that your job has nothing to do with what you studied in college.

But last night, I figured out why I went to college.

I went to college so I could do theater with my friend Katharine. Katharine is one of the rare ladies who has applied everything she learned in college, and is now the assistant company manager of Very Big Deal Broadway Show. So, I went to college and made a “connection” with Katharine (she regaled me with stories of her stage-worthy love-life while I painted a banner.) Now that we’re not in college, she has continued to acknowledge this “connection” and took me as her guest to sit in row G of the Bernard Jacobs theater while we watched Tom Stoppard’s show, “Rock N’ Roll.” The show was phenomenal; it was an unimposing but profound look at the destruction of political idealism, the dichotomy between love and intellectualism and subsuming power of machinery over the mind. Well worth 5 years of friendship with Katharine. Shockingly brilliant given that Stoppard himself didn’t go to college.

Clearly, friendships (with benefits, no, not that kind) are the number one reason why we went to college. However, I’ve listed a few runner-up reasons as well.

1) While you’re watching Stoppard’s highly academic characters you can claim, “I, too, was once semi-interested in communism and social theory!” As the leading man subtly and heart-wrenchingly comes to terms with the rampant falsehood of his principles, you’ll shed a small, empathetic tear, thinking, “For a moment in that one Justice seminar senior year, I came close to have principles, too!”

2) After the play, when you launch into a discussion of your mutual friend’s relationship woes, you can preface by your analysis by saying, “I know I’m just over-philosophizing this, and not offering much in the way of practical application.” Then, apologize afterwards for being “too pedantic.” (All those mistakes you made in college have clearly made you such an expert on relationships, it’s hard to communicate with the masses.)

3) You understand that in order to effectively make an argument, you must have three supporting points.

Note: If you’re my brother, the point of college is continue developing your reputation as the coolest person alive. Unfortunately, that can’t apply to everyone.


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